The Ham Mafia
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Codewords & Terminology

General Terms:

  • Made Ham: Made Man: Official member of the Ham Mafia: soldier rank. Requirements: Must have a ham shank and "| Ham Mafia |" at the end of their name.
  • Wise Guy: Ham Mafia Member
  • Wise Guy Definition #2: The @Wise Guy role
  • Friend of Ours: Ham Mafia associated individual
  • Hamfella: Ham Mafia Associate+
  • Boss: Ham Mafia higherup, usually Capo+
  • Upstanding member of the community: Well respected Ham Mafia member
  • Steam/Steamed: Respected, high end
  • Fat/Fattened: Bulk, big boned
  • Hoodlum: Tough guy, wise and professional
  • Whack/Whacked: To kill or to be killed, ban or be banned, by the Ham Mafia
  • Clip/Clipped: Same definition as whacked
  • Dinner Reservation: Funeral arrangement
  • Pinched: To be caught breaking the Ham Mafia code of conduct
  • Bumped: To be promoted in the Ham Mafia (e.g. "Did you hear? I got bumped up to Captain")
  • Busted: Caught doing a shameless act (e.g. "Just got caught nuking the Pan Militia. UH, BUSTED!")
  • Meat Beating: Ritual of hitting people with a ham shank in order to intimidate nearby players
  • Breaking Balls: To tease or troll somebody (e.g. "Ohhhh, relax, we're just breaking balls.")

Ham Mafia & Its Fronts

  • This Thing Of Ours: The Ham Shank Crime Family
  • The Family Business/The Hamily/The Hampire/The Organization/The Hammy House: The Ham Mafia
  • Front: Any entity that is controlled or set up by the Ham Mafia
  • Social Club: The Ham Mafia's Primary Team Fortress 2 Server (e.g. "The panhandlers are on Social Club, send in the convoy?")
  • Blockwalk Hampire: The Ham Mafia's Official Minecraft Server Event (e.g. "What's coming first, the Heavy update or Blockwalk Hampire Season III?")
  • EMC/ElytraMC: A Minecraft minigame server in development that is backed by the Ham Mafia, created to rival Hypixel and Mineplex
  • Hollywood/HMYT: The Ham Mafia YouTube Channel
  • The Treasury (disbanded): The Ham Mafia Patreon
  • Meat Beaters: The Ham Mafia highlander competitive team
  • Gabaghoul: The Ham Mafia 6s competitive team
  • The Stash/Vault: Ham Mafia's ham shank vaults (7000+) owned by the Bosses

Historical Terms

  • The Golden Age: The era before the Ham Mafia hit 200 members.
    Prominent Figures: Right Ham Man, Fist Full O' Spam, Hambeard
  • The Bronze/Silver Age: The era in the Ham Mafia between 200-700 members.
    Prominent Figures: MUSTache, Septimus, Kroomask, JIMBO
  • The Dark Age/Crows Cavern Era: The era in the Ham Mafia where deathtothecrows initiated a rebellion, and most of the Mafia was ran by disloyal Caporegimes.
    Prominent Figures: Deathtothecrows, Doomguy46, Empress, Matrigis, Meep2k, J58
  • The Platinum Age: The era in the Ham Mafia directly after the Crows Cavern rebellion, resulting in a large array of loyal Caporegimes.
    Prominent Figures: Chessplayer, Hamslinger, Gandorf, TF2 Trader, BagofBananas
  • The Diamond Age: The era in the Ham Mafia mainly following the retirement of the Platinum Age, the Ham Mafia did not have many controversies during this era.
    Prominent Figures: Ghostfunny, Not2Shabby, FISH, BigMacBob, Greg
  • The Renaissance: The era intended to revolutionize the Ham Mafia redeeming traditional qualities while refining new methods to expand the Hampire.
    Prominent Figures: Jim, Jacket, PandaGoon, Mafia Heavy, Hamsliger, TexanBuzzsaw
  • The Volatile Age: The era following the Renaissance that consisted of record growth at the cost of incredibly unstable Capos, Crews, and power vacuums from retirements regarding prominent figures in 2022.
    Prominent Figures: Swish, Beekid, Aces, Cleveland Gaming, BigMacBob, MangoMan, Berri, Fat Cat Inspector, MemeMaker
  • The Industrial Age: (Present): The most stable era of the Mafia consisting of the largest Crews and the largest quantity of resources and assets belonging to the Organization. Prominent milestone: 3000 members.
    Prominent Figures: Jev, Roosterswrath, Sample Text, Boofypunch, Greg, Jim, OrigamiStefan
  • Ham-Pan War: Series of conflicts from December 2018 to July 2019 between the Ham Mafia vs the Pan Militia. The end result was the Ham Mafia hitting 1000 members and a mutual agreement to end the war
  • The KOS list / The List: Stood for "kill on sight list," those whose names appeared on the list were hunted down Ex: "You're going on the list."

Ham Mafia Figure, Hierarchy, & Infamy Terms

  • Don: The Donfather
  • Bob: Emperorbob, Consigliere
  • Spam: Fist Full O' Spam, Underboss
  • RHM: Right Ham Man, Underboss
  • Cabone/Hamford: Hamford Pauliotardo, Underboss
  • Chess: Chessplayer, Underboss
  • Crows: DeathtotheCrows, ex-Underboss
  • Captain/Capo: Caporegime
  • Giusto: L'uomo Giustos, the right hand men of the Caporegimes
  • Vito: Ham Mafia Caricature, often known as the Boogeyman of the Ham Mafia. Is usually referenced as a 6'5 300 pound Italian male
    Ex: "Send in Vito."
  • The Plumber: A Ham Mafia Enforcer with a job to end the flow of leaked information
  • Aces: An individual often referred to prior to a disastrous nuclear event
    Ex: "Aces, pull the plug."
  • The Prosciutto Brothers: Vito and Bruno Prosciutto, two prominent Ham Mafia enforcers sent to destroy panhandlers in pubs
  • Fallout: A disastrous reaction usually as a result of the order from a Boss (sometimes nuclear)
    Ex: "Just do as your told, I'll deal with the fallout."
  • The Triangle: A corrupt connection between Ham Mafia rankings that is considered unprofessional
  • The Triangle Definition #2: The Bermuda Triangle
  • Human Resources Department: The Bermuda Triangle
  • Take Out the Garbage / Garbage Day: Another synonym for, complete the infamous task
  • Recycling: Documentation of the infamous task
  • The Blackbook: List of Ham Mafia enemies clipped from every Ham Mafia front, associated Organization, and extension (not to be confused with "The List")
    Ex: "Fuck they put my name in the Blackbook and now I can't join any TF2 community server"
  • Blacklisted: To be revoked major access to Ham Mafia channels and commodities, and to be restricted to a certain channel. Typically an extreme disciplinary action to infamous members in order to prevent infighting
    Ex: "You don't wanna end up in the Alcatraz, it's got the most infamous HM members from the Blacklist..."
  • Florida/Fort Lauderdale/The Alcatraz: To be Blacklisted from the Ham Mafia
    "They need time to cooloff, send Hannibal Lecter and Diddy to Fort Lauderdale"

In-Game Terms

  • Hammy: Ham Heavy along with the Hamvich (see definition above).
  • Demoham: Demoknight hybrid, usually with a shield and grenade launcher paired with the ham
  • Hamknight: Strict demoknight with a ham
  • When Pigs Fly: Demoham with sticky jumper, parachute and ham
  • Steamed Ham: Pyro with ham along with a jetpack
  • Scham: Scout ham with either bonk or crit-o-cola
  • Hammando: Trolldier (Soldier with rocket jumper and market gardener) but with a ham shank
  • Porky: Quickscoping sniper with the ham shank
  • Spiced Ham (in other words Spam): Ham Medic often paired with a hamknight or hammy (use kritz or medigun)
  • Ham For All: Anyone can go whatever as long as it is a ham-related strategy
  • The Hamvich: Buffalo Steak Sandvich
  • Shank: Ham Shank
  • Steamed Shank: Genuine Ham Shank
  • Fattened Shank: Killstreak or Specialized Killstreak Ham Shank
  • Hoodlum Shank: Genuine Professional Killstreak Ham Shank
  • Authentic Shank: Ham Shank crafted and named by a Ham Mafia Boss
  • Killer Exclusive: The iconic hat of the Ham Mafia
  • Yule Hog: The second iconic hat of the Ham Mafia

Ham Mafia Economics

  • Circulation: The Ham Mafia's ham and loaning surplus.
  • Stock: Total number of items owned, of a certain item
  • Boxes of Ziti: Mann Co. Keys
  • Shank Shekel/Hamcoin: Ham shank stock
    Ex: "Yes that's right, buy all of hamcoin and dump all my rustbucks into scrap"
  • Rustbucks: Frying pan stock
    Ex: "Yes that's right, buy all of hamcoin and dump all my rustbucks into scrap"
  • Dump it: Deflating the price of either the ham shank or the frying pan through various Ham Mafia economic strategies
  • Bump it: To buy out all the ham shanks in the TF2 market at once to temporarily increase the price of the ham shank
  • Ham Quotient: The percentage of the total # of ham shanks owned by the Ham Mafia versus the total that exists of all time
    Ex: "The ham quotient has greatly increased since the last cycle, when the ham levels hit 50% the purge will begin."
  • Potency: The inflated price of the ham shank on marketplace.tf as opposed to backpack.tf
    Ex: "Shank is stable, Ham Mafia is prepping for the hamcession in order to reach maximum potency. Yes that's right, buy all of shankshekel soon it will be going to the moon."
  • Hamcession: When the price of the ham shank crashes, allowing the Ham Mafia to buy them all out
    Ex: "The TF2 market has reached another hamcession, the Ham Mafia will have thousands more ham shanks after this"
  • Ham Velocity: The rate at which the Ham Mafia buys ham shanks as opposed to the rate the bots can put up sell orders
  • Ham Acceleration: The rate at which the Ham Mafia buys ham shanks as opposed to the rate the bots can put up buy orders
    Ex: "Ham acceleration has reached maximum potency for economic yield"
  • Boghamoff Brothers: The ancient beings that assist the Ham Mafia in controlling the TF2 Market
  • Hamnesian Economics: The economic theory that the reason the ham price is lower than the frying pan is because the Ham Mafia has access to so much ham, they purposefully keep it low to supply Circulation
    Ex: "The demand for ham is actually higher, but it's not more expensive because the Ham Mafia has access to so much ham, it floods the market enough to nullify the demand."

Off-Colored Remarks

  • Rancid Ham: A disloyal Ham Mafia member
  • Nicefella: HM's N-word, often delivered in a text box, and is a shitpost of Goodfella
  • Nicefeller: Nicefella, but with a hard R
  • Suicide Squad The Crows Cavern
  • Leaky Pipe: A rat whose been feeding Ham Mafia exclusive information off-site
    Ex: "Leaky pipe problem? I'll call the plumber"
  • Shit the Bed: To fuck up irreversibly
    Ex: "OHHHHHH, did ya hear about those DM allegations? Seems Dico really shit the bed this time"
  • Panhandler: A frying pan user
  • Panhandler Definition #2: A person who stops people in the street and begs for change
  • Pan Shillitia: The Pan Militia
  • Iron Demoshites: The Iron Demoknights
  • FlambĂ©: Empress, ex-Caporegime
  • Goodship Lollipop: A crew led by a disgraced Caporegime
    Ex: "Captain? Of the goodship lollipop."
  • Shemale: Deathtothecrows, ex-Underboss
  • Shinebox: A box containing shoeshine and polishing equipment, often paired with a panhandler insult
    Ex: "Go home and get your fuckin' shinebox for your rusty pan."
  • Princess Potassium: King Iron, leader of the Iron Demoknights
  • Emperor Pipeline: Emperor Nightfall, associate of the Iron Demoknights
  • Crying Pan: A pan user doped up on copium
  • Rusty Dusty Meme Unclean: The frying pan from Team Fortress 2
  • No Skill Skillet: The frying pan from Team Fortress 2
  • Glorified Crew: A term often used to describe the Pan Militia or the Iron Demoknights to emphasize they are not really an empire, and just a group with a couple active people.
    Ex: "Iron Demoknights? They're a glorified crew! Their discord barely exceeds a couple hundred over 4 years."
  • Pygmy Thing: A splinter group that is laughably small in comparison to the Ham Mafia
    Ex: "Five fuckin' Melee Groups, and we got this pygmy thing over in Potato Mafia"
  • Potatard Potato Industries member
  • Flag Salutin' Muddafuckah: A phrase used to describe an individual who believes they can one man army against the Mafia
    Ex: "WE NEED TO STOP THE HAM MAFIA!!"
  • Flag Salutin' Muddafuckah Definition #2: An individual or Ham Mafia associate/member that has a tremendous hardon for peace, diplomacy, or the Mafia being nice guys
    Ex: "No Jampoint, we're not going to end the war for peace you flag salutin' muddafuckah"
  • Shampoint: Jampoint, leader of Lamphade
  • Lampshade: Nightlight, a group that used to be dedicated towards combating cheaters but now just loses sleep over whatever the fuck Ham Mafia's doing
    Ex: "Did you hear the latest about Lampshade? They claim neutrality but clipped all Ham Mafia members from their server!"

Bumfuck Studios

  • Bumfuck Studios: An umbrella term for all Bumfuck Studio Divisions. A Bumfuck Studios Operation is a temporary task force created under the Ham Mafia in order to complete an impossible job.
  • Bumfuck Studios | Murphy's Department: "Everything that can go wrong, has gone wrong." Tasked with the creation of the GTA 4 Video
  • Bumfuck Studios | Nightmare Division: Tasked with the coding of the EMC Project
  • Bumfuck Studios | The Construct: Tasked with the building of the EMC Project
  • Bumfuck Studios | Emmy Division: Tasked with the creation of a certain cinematic project
  • Bumfuck Studios | HUD Sector: Tasked with the creation of the Ham Mafia Custom HUD
  • Bumfuck Studios | The Ministry of Trolling: The Propaganda Division, but modified and tasked to carry out infamous marketing manipulation
  • Bumfuck Studios | The Manhattan Project: [REDACTED]
  • Bumfuck Studios | Operation Rustbucket: [REDACTED]
  • Bumfuck Studios | The Triangle: [REDACTED]
  • Bumfuck Studios | Ballbreaker Company: [To Be Assigned]